—Wendy, 56, Retired, Tacoma, WA.
“Very rarely will he see what needs to be done”
Cognitive labor is not often explicitly discussed in the home and the division of labor is not usually
intentionally divided amongst couples.
—Carolyn, 37, Stay-at-Home Mom, Pacifica, CA.
“I feel like we've had discussions about me being burnt out or overwhelmed or feeling tired of doing
certain things. But I don't think we've talked about specifically who does what. I feel like a
lot of times, I will just ask him for help....but not really specifically around our roles and how those
could change.”
I asked the question: What comes to mind when you envision cognitive labor?
“It feels like infinite boxes of varying size, needing to fit in a truck with limited space.”
“It’s like peeling all the layers back
of an onion.”
of an onion.”
“It’s like a bunch of bubbles above your head constantly growing, then popping, then growing again when you
remember.”
Put the leftovers away.
—Nancy, 39, Design Consultant, Seattle, WA.
“I don't feel like I ever have a clear mind, especially after having a toddler, and even when I'm
relaxing on the sofa, my mind is just going through all the things I need to think about or do.”
It’s much easier to quantify physical labor versus cognitive labor, making it difficult to pinpoint and
define the nature of the work.
—Nancy, 39, Design Consultant, Seattle, WA.
“I felt like my brain was constantly full....trying to figure [how to be a mom] for the first time all
of these invisible sort of silent responsibilities that I was kind of doing behind the scenes—he
didn't he didn't realize that, and so what it actually culminated in was a bunch of arguments.
The topic of cognitve labor can be difficult to deal with a partner and changing the home dynamic
can be challenging and met with resistance.
The mochi place is least busy on Thursday mornings.
The act of noticing and acknowledgment accounts for alot, even if the division of labor is unbalanced.
People often want to be seen and feel appreciated.
—Beth, 44, Accountant, Pacifica, CA.
Tell the sitter there’s a camera in the baby room.
I conducted 13 formal interviews (and had many informal conversations) and below are overarching themes
that emerged.
Do we have cherry tomatoes for
the salsa tonight?
the salsa tonight?
Mother’s Day is coming up. I need to order flowers so they arrive in time.
—Billie, 28, Stay-at-Home Parent + Gig Worker, Chattanooga, TN.
“I think a lot of the problem with cognitive labor is you don't always write things down. Sometimes you
just keep it in your head. And it's just always there.”
—Amanda, 23, Product Designer, Federal Way, WA.
“I feel like it's a really common thing that people get into arguments about, but I think they don't
say cognitive labor. They just kind of say, in other ways, like, it really bugs me that I had to do
everything to prepare for this.”
Tickets are cheapest on Tuesdays so let’s book then.
Move the car in two hours!
“Like heavy weights settling on shoulders.”
with cognitive labor
Lived experiences